Dialog is a core part of telling any story. Even if you write nonfiction, including some in illustrative examples can make your book sing. But there\u2019s good dialog and bad dialog…and every reader can tell the difference.<\/p>\n
Even though many writers can\u2019t, especially when it comes to their own writing.<\/p>\n
Here is our challenge for you. This month, take out your work in progress. Each day, check it for one of these 20 dialog mistakes. By the end of the month, you\u2019ll have completed a dialog clinic to improve the power of all your characters\u2019 speech.<\/p>\n
\u201cHello. How are you?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m fine. How are you?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cGood. What do you know about John and Mary?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
The above dialog is grammatically correct, information rich, and scans well on the page. The problem is, nobody ever talks like that. Dialog that conforms to the rules of formal grammar feels wrong<\/i> to the reader, because we don\u2019t hear people talk that way. It ruins verisimilitude and gets in the way of reader immersion.<\/p>\n
Avoid this by<\/b> listening to how people talk and writing an approximation of this, and by reading your dialog out loud to see if it feels natural in your mouth.<\/p>\n
Exceptions<\/b> include people delivering news on television or making a public speech. That dialog tends to conform closely to grammar, and readers expect that to be true.<\/p>\n2. Dialog That\u2019s Too Much Like We Actually Talk<\/h3>\n
\u201cHey, uh, what\u2019s up?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cNothing much, uh\u2026\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cUm\u2026\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cHey…so, anyway…I wanted to, to, uh, talk to you, you know, about\u2026\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
It was probably painful to read the above dialog. Even though it\u2019s exactly how most people talk in an informal setting, it\u2019s frustrating to go through because so many words go by without anything important happening. We said just above that you should write more like people actually talk, but you can take it too far. Truth is, most of us fill our speech with hesitations, misfired, and other noise that goes badly on the page.<\/p>\n
Avoid this by <\/b>writing the way we all wish<\/i> we talked, with the right informal language at the right time but still succinctly, clearly, and cleverly.<\/p>\n
Exceptions<\/b> include when you want to establish a character as impaired, either as a permanent disability or temporarily due to injury or substances. A person on the page talking like we do in real life seems<\/i> to be operating below specs.<\/p>\n3. Dialog Without the Right Punctuation<\/h3>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s your name.<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cJohn. And you\u2019re Mary\u201d?<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cYes. We need to talk.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
An editor, agent, or reader will look at the above and cringe. If they cringe enough times, they\u2019ll abandon your book entirely. Follow the punctuation rules of dialog to help your reader know what\u2019s being said and by whom.<\/p>\n
Avoid this by<\/b> looking up the basic dialog conventions for your country, printing out a copy, and keeping it nearby. Consult it until this is second nature.<\/p>\n
Exceptions<\/b> for this do not exist.<\/p>\n4. Dialog With No Purpose<\/h3>\n
Dialog that rambles may feel natural, like \u201csomething the character would do\u201d, but every line a reader goes through that doesn\u2019t move the story forward risks losing their attention. If you lose their attention, it can be very hard to get it back.<\/p>\n
Make sure all of your dialog serves not just one purpose, but two. It must move the story forward in some way, and ideally reveal something else about a character, the world, or the conflict of the story. Random dialog that fills the page is useless at best, frustrating at worst.<\/p>\n
Avoid this by<\/b> reviewing your dialog after writing, and eliminating or altering anything that doesn\u2019t fulfill at least two purposes.<\/p>\n
Exceptions <\/b>include dialog you use as a pacing element. This isn\u2019t really an exception, because the purpose of that dialog is pacing. It makes the reader wait a beat before experiencing the next thing.<\/p>\n5. Dialog With Accidental Tom Swifties<\/h3>\n
\u201cI dropped my toothpaste,\u201d Tom said, crestfallen.<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cI lost my hat!\u201d Tom said, off the top of his head.<\/i><\/p>\n
Tom Swifties are a joke or party game where you make a pun by adding a dialog tag to a quote, like in the examples above. For punsters, they\u2019re great fun. For writers, they\u2019re poison. They\u2019re named after the old Tom Swift<\/i> novels, which provide particularly unintentional and egregious examples of the genre. When your writing sounds like a joke developed to make fun of bad writing, you know you\u2019re on the wrong path.<\/p>\n
Avoid this by<\/b> sticking with simple dialog attributions. \u201cSaid\u201d works just great almost all the time. It\u2019s invisible to most readers.<\/p>\n
Exceptions<\/b> include if you\u2019re making the Tom Swifty joke intentionally, while breaking the fourth wall. Even then, do it very sparingly.<\/p>\n6. Dialog With Unclear Attribution<\/h3>\n
\u201cHey, John and Mary! Get over here!\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cComing!\u201d<\/i>
\n<\/i>
\n<\/i>\u201cI\u2019ll be a minute!\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
Pop quiz. In the above dialog, is Mary or John coming right away? That\u2019s the problem with unclear attribution. If the reader doesn\u2019t know who\u2019s saying what, they can\u2019t stay oriented with your story. Confusion becomes frustration very quickly, and frustration can easily become abandoning your book for something easier.<\/p>\n
Avoid this by<\/b> tracking through your attributions and dialog tags, and asking a beta reader to do the same. If you both know for sure who\u2019s speaking, other readers probably will.<\/p>\n
Exceptions<\/b> include scenes of chaos and confusion in your book, where sparing confusion about dialog attribution can add to the power of the action.<\/p>\n7. Dialog With Confusing Accents<\/h3>\n
\u201cI goldurn sez to \u2018im tha if\u2019n they wan\u2019t gonna take \u2018em from usn\u2019s dey shouldautta go off tern the hawse right quickright.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
Using accents, odd word choice, and different pronunciations is a quick and colorful way to establish a character as unique on the page…but it can go too far. Always remember: asking a reader to do extra work to enjoy your story results in a lost reader more often than it gives a reader a better experience. Reading the sentence above made you think and hesitate, to slow down. Most readers don\u2019t want that.<\/p>\n
Avoid this by<\/b> using a few key pieces of accent or pronunciation in early sentences spoken by a character, then writing normally. Most readers will automatically fill it in themselves for the rest of the book.<\/p>\n
Exceptions<\/b> include characters who you want to intentionally make confusing or frustrating, or to call out as a stranger in a strange land.<\/p>\n8. Dialog That Repeats Exposition<\/h3>\n
John\u2019s hat fell off his head. \u201cDarnit, I dropped my hat!\u201d he said.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
It\u2019s usually a mistake to say anything twice in a book, lest you lose reader interest by being boring and repetitive. Many authors make this mistake by having a character repeat in dialog what recently happened on the page.<\/p>\n
Avoid this by<\/b> either showing the action, then making dialog a response to that action, or by not describing the action anywhere but in the dialog.<\/p>\n
Exceptions include<\/b> especially important pieces of story, especially in a mystery. In those cases, you can repeat the key element, but try not to do so on the same page.<\/p>\n9. Dialog Without Differentiation<\/h3>\n
\u201cI ate the pie. I loved it,\u201d said Mary.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cI loved eating that pie,\u201d said John.<\/i><\/p>\n
No two people you know in real life talk the same way. No two people in your book should, either. If everybody\u2019s dialog feels the same, the characters will also feel very similar. This makes for a boring book, while simultaneously missing one of the best an easiest opportunities to make your characters shine on the page.<\/p>\n
Avoid this by<\/b> deciding in advance how each of your characters talk. Do they have accents? Do they use metaphors related to their interests? Do they always start a sentence with the same word? Just one or two unique points for each will get you started.<\/p>\n
Exceptions <\/b>include characters you want to make similar on purpose, such as identical twins, faceless minions, or a situation you want to make extra creepy.<\/p>\n10. Dialog That\u2019s Really Just You<\/h3>\n
There is an unconscious temptation when we write to insert ourselves into our characters, to live a kind of wish fulfillment through their deeds and their words. If your dialog sounds a lot like you talking, get in there and mix it up. Your book will be better for it. While you\u2019re at it, keep an eye out for characters using a different voice, but using that different voice to express your political, religious, or philosophical opinions. That\u2019s usually also a mistake.<\/p>\n
Avoid this by<\/b> aksing a beta reader you trust how much the dialog sounds like you talking. If they say it does, make some changes.<\/p>\n
Exceptions <\/b>to this only exist in memoir and autobiography.<\/p>\n11. Dialog You Haven\u2019t Read Out Loud<\/h3>\n
The best way to make your dialog shine (and really the best way to make your writing shine) is to read it out loud to yourself, and preferably to somebody else) at least once. This will reveal places where the pacing sags, where the constructions don\u2019t feel natural, and where it tapers off into boring verbal cul-de-sacs.<\/p>\n
Avoid this by<\/b>…um…always reading your stuff out loud.<\/p>\n
Exceptions <\/b>to this rule do not exist. If you can\u2019t read it out loud yourself, have a trusted friend read it to you. That\u2019s almost as good.<\/p>\n12. Dialog With Small Talk<\/h3>\n
\u201cSo, how are the kids?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cThey\u2019re great! John\u2019s in grad school, and Mary just got out of the Army with a job in the private sector. Anyway, about that murder\u2026\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
Small talk is such a part of normal conversation that interactions feel abrupt and rude without a little of it, but it has very little place on the written page. Remember what we said earlier about dialog without a purpose? Most of the time, small talk fulfills no real narrative purpose. It\u2019s job in real life is as a warmup, a form of verbal foreplay. You\u2019re better off just getting to the point.<\/p>\n
Avoid this by<\/b> cutting all small talk out of your dialog. Sometimes, this is easier to do in editing than while you\u2019re writing your first draft.<\/p>\n
Exceptions<\/b> include scenes where the small talk is happening while other important action happens. Look to the opening scene of Inglorius Basturds<\/i> for a brilliant example of this on the screen.<\/p>\n13. The \u201cMaid and Butler\u201d dialog<\/h3>\n
Back in the day, murder mysteries often began with the maid and butler of a stately manor discussing the business of the nobles living there. With a page or two of conversation, they performed the exposition needed to orient the reader in the story. After that, the tale would progress normally.<\/p>\n
It was a pretty good technique, but got used so often it\u2019s now a cliche. Readers will be annoyed by it, especially if the characters in question fill no other meaningful role in the story.<\/p>\n
Avoid this by<\/b> weaving exposition into and outside of dialog, and by having all people who speak play a larger, important role in your book.<\/p>\n14. Dialog That Names Names (Too Often)<\/h3>\n
\u201cHey, Mary!\u201d John said.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cYes, John?\u201d said Mary.<\/i><\/p>\n
John said, \u201cHave you seen my cat, Mary?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cYes, John. She was delicious,\u201d Mary said.<\/i><\/p>\n
On one hand, this is bad. It\u2019s repetitive, and in its repetition both frustrating and ironically confusing. Most of the time, a conversation between two people only needs to tag the speaker once, when they\u2019re introduced. The natural speaking order of dialog will keep track from then on. With multiple speakers, you need to tag dialog more often, but use a combination of methods to avoid repetition.<\/p>\n
Avoid this by<\/b> going back through dialog and removing unnecessary names.<\/p>\n
Exceptions<\/b> to this rule don\u2019t exist…but a few too many names is better than not enough.<\/p>\n15. Dialog Where Characters Say What They Mean<\/h3>\n
\u201cMary, I\u2019m really angry with you for eating my cat,\u201d John said.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cI understand that, but I wouldn\u2019t have done it if you hadn\u2019t gone on that date with Sharon.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cOh, I didn\u2019t realize that hurt your feelings. I\u2019m so sorry.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
This is the emotional version of the first mistake in that it\u2019s not natural to the way people communicate. People very rarely say exactly what they mean in conversation. Instead, we tend to hide our motivations, fears, and desires beneath multiple layers of words. We\u2019re so used to this, as humans, that we automatically cut through most of them when we talk with people, and overly open communication tends to weird us out.<\/p>\n
Avoid this by <\/b>thinking about how a character with the motivations and fears of the speaker would communicate something indirectly, like you do with people in your life.<\/p>\n
Exceptions <\/b>include characters who are set up as unusually straight shooters as part of their basic makeup, or conversations where people are intentionally violating this conversational taboo.<\/p>\n16. Dialog Where Exposition Belongs<\/h3>\n
\u201cI went to the store, then to the parking garage, where I found the skeleton of a cat,\u201d the officer said. \u201cThen I came straight here.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
It\u2019s good to weave some exposition into dialog, but not always. For long stretches of action, it\u2019s usually better to make it plain text. Dialog is less efficient than exposition, and efficiency is vital in telling a story your readers will stick with page after page.<\/p>\n
Avoid this<\/b> by reconsidering any exposition via dialog that lasts more than a single line, and eliminating any dialog that consists entirely of exposition.<\/p>\n
Exceptions<\/b> include characters, scenes, or lines where the reader expects the speaker to tell a story. Police interrogations are a popular and effective example of this.<\/p>\n17. Dialog in a Vacuum<\/h3>\n
Reread the examples in this article. Most of them exist in a vacuum, with no information given except for who\u2019s speaking and what they have to say. That works in this case because the dialog is the entire point of the examples. Giving the conversations context distracts the reader from the main point.<\/p>\n
In your book, this will almost never be appropriate. Nobody just stands in a dark or featureless room and talks. Conversations happen in situations, and the speakers move around each other and the other things in the room. Describing what happens around dialog creates pacing, and makes the scene fully realized on the page.<\/p>\n
Avoid this by<\/b> picturing the context of dialog, and giving enough information between lines of speech to help the reader do so as well.<\/p>\n
Exceptions <\/b>include times when the dialog is absolutely key. Sometimes in real life, somebody says something so important, stirring, or beautiful that the rest of the world fades into the background. If that\u2019s happening in your story, it can happen on the page.<\/p>\n18. Dialog That\u2019s Too Stereotypical<\/h3>\n
We won\u2019t provide an example here, and we won\u2019t spend much time on it. Never, ever, ever replicate stereotypes in your dialog. It\u2019s just as bad as describing a stereotype in exposition. It\u2019s lazy, and often a little bit racist.<\/p>\n
Avoid this<\/b> by making your characters living, breathing being with unique qualities.<\/p>\n
Exceptions<\/b> don\u2019t exist to this. However, you can have dialog for archetypes<\/i> like \u201cevil banker\u201d, \u201cbored guard\u201d, or \u201cannoying therapist\u201d that matches expectations for characters who exist briefly, and only for their archetype\u2019s role.<\/p>\n19. Dialog Where Action Belongs<\/h3>\n
\u201cOW! Stop hitting me!\u201d John yelled.<\/i><\/p>\n
Remember earlier where we said you shouldn\u2019t write dialog where exposition does the job better? The same is true for action. Action scenes need to be tight, spare, written in as few words as you can. Dialog can\u2019t do that job, so write the action out normally.<\/p>\n
Avoid this<\/b> by reviewing action scenes and tightening them up. While you\u2019re tightening, check any dialog in there.<\/p>\n
Exceptions<\/b> don\u2019t exist for this, but you can have tight dialog responses to action woven into the action scene.<\/p>\n20. Dialog That Rhymes<\/h3>\n
\u201cIf you want to pass by me, answer me these riddles three!\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
Unless you\u2019re writing nursery stories, never, ever, ever have dialog rhyme. It\u2019s a lazy writing technique that should have been abandoned a long time ago. Just don\u2019t.<\/p>\n
Avoid this by<\/b>…um…reading your dialog and seeing if it rhymes, then changing it if it does.<\/p>\n
Exceptions <\/b>include certain genres, like picture books and faerie tales. Even then, it\u2019s usually best used occasionally or skipped.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"